Author: Patrick Rhone

• My online friends are real friends. They come up in my offline conversations. I mention things they’ve said and done (i.e. posted publicly) in discussions with others in the real world. Even things my online friends and I have chatted about via DM or email. Most of whom I’ve never met IRL.

• Community is built on conversation and connection and it doesn’t matter where or how that happens. Email and text and trading blog posts may not be as… Impactful? …as face-to-face but they all count.

• I suck at prioritizing my friendships and maintaining connection just as much offline as I do on. The truth of the matter is that I’m a natural introvert, tend to focus on the people right on front of me (my wife and daughter), and always put off even my most immediate community.

• I have a very full and busy life. One I’m thankful for but, often, leaves me depleted of energy and time. The truth is if it’s not specifically on my calendar it effectively does not exist.

• Yet, looking at my calendar I see rigging for Circus, I see neighborhood soup nights, I see client appointments, I see board meetings, I see Parent Association meetings… All of these are also, wait for it… Communities!

• Maybe I don’t suck at community at all. Maybe I just need to make more time for the ones I’ve neglected tending to.

• Just know, online or offline, you matter equally to me. Community exists and can be strong and vibrant anywhere you build it. There is no separation.

My friend Markus called. He said he had a friend who was having a really hard time. Her mother was recently diagnosed with terminal stage 4 cancer. Her brother-in-law died in a motorcycle accident and, on the way home from California from the funeral, her husband informed her that he was promptly leaving the marriage after their return home to go be with his mistress. Then, on top of all of that, her computer hard drive died pretty much after walking in the front door.

Her (soon to be ex) husband maybe had a backup but he was not returning her frantic calls (likely assuming it was about the fact he was a lying cheater). So, she contacted a local tech place and they referred her to Drivesavers and they were able to recover most of the data. The problem, Markus explained, was that they sent it back on a pile of DVDs with no real order so she needed someone who knew how to get all the data where it needed to be on the new machine.

Now, Markus was an Apple Software Developer and was no slouch in the technical department. That said, this was a different kind of knowledge and expertise. He asked if I could do him a solid — meet up with this lady over at his place, help her get her data on her new computer, and do it as a favor to him… No charge. He’d buy us pizza, though.

I, of course, said sure. It was the right thing to do, given the circumstances. My girlfriend at the time lived and worked in another city 50 miles away so it’s not like I had other plans during the week. He was right that I’d be far better and faster at fixing things. Plus, having been through a divorce myself I thought I could give her some of my perspective or at least be an empathetic ear.

The night of the meetup I had a horrible flu/cold/crud thing. Yet, I was determined to keep my promise so I loaded up on DayQuil and woozily showed up.

The lady was lovely. Smart, quick witted, and sweet. While just about everything in her life at that point was full of suck her outlook on it all was matter of fact and full of a can-do spirit. In the midst of all the heartbreak she was resolved not to let it break her.

I got the job done. She was very grateful. I was very sick. She wanted to pay me somehow and I flatly refused. That’s not the promise I’d made. We parted ways happy to have been aquatinted.

A few weeks later, she sent me an email. Some of our mutuals were getting together to see a play at the theater she worked at. She knew I’d not wanted any payment but she’d like to give me some token of appreciation. Did I wan’t to come to see the play with our friends? She could get me two tickets, one for me and my girlfriend.

Why not? Sure, I said.

Turns out, my girlfriend had plans to go see a monster truck rally with her younger brother (which should tell you all you need to know about our mis-matched pairing) so I invited a female friend who also was in the same extended friend group. My relationship with my girlfriend was on a steady but rapid decline anyway so it was just as well.

But, truth be told, I ended up spending most of the time outside of the play talking to Bethany. She’s just the sort of interesting person with fascinating stories that you never really tire of talking to. Incredibly well read and travelled. The smartest one in the room without being annoying about it. Just when you think you’ve encountered a subject she knows nothing about, she still finds something smart and interesting to say about it.

I shot her an email the next day to thank her. Said I had a really nice time talking to her. That we should grab coffee sometimes. That I often hang out on Tuesday and Thursday nights at a coffee shop close to her Dad’s place because my ex-wife had visitation with our kids those nights and it didn’t make sense for me to drive all the way back home just to have to turn around a couple of hours later (I had custody).

So, we did. Met up a few times and talked for hours. Never wanting it to end. After the third or forth one of them, we went for a goodbye hug that turned into a kiss. We both knew…

Our first official date was to see a performance Madame Butterfly at The Minnesota Opera (which is all you need to know about our perfectly matched paring) but she counts it as the night we kissed — which is probably right (she’s always right). That was 20 years ago today.

So, thanks Markus for introducing me to that girl. She’s pretty great!