Category: post

I actually have four of these J.Crew Rollneck sweaters but for this series I’m counting it as one since they are all the same.

I think I went through this period in the early 90’s where I felt like if I had one of something I like and knew I would wear it frequently, I should buy more in different colors to mix it up a bit. That’s what I did here.

These are all cotton so good three season options. They actually are unfinished (and, thus, roll) and the sleeves at hem too. It is one of the ways one can tell one of the early 90’s models from the ones that J.Crew sells today.

Well made, classic, never out of style. I actually have a wool one too which may make the seventeen series later. I love these things. I mainly wear the black and the cream. The others I wear less frequently and have thought about letting go of them but I’ve had them for over 30 years now so I can’t bring myself to.

My wife picked up this one for me at a clothing exchange. I can’t remember at the moment if she gave it to me as a gift or when she got back from the exchange. Regardless, I really love it. It’s vintage (I suspect 1980’s), made in Minnesota by Winona Knits, and has a cute little loon logo embroidered on the chest.

It’s warm, rustic looking, and pairs well with jeans and Bean Boots. This sweater along with a button down or flannel underneath is the perfect Minnesota uniform.

One of the truisms of living in Minnesota is that you can never have too many sweaters. The truth of the matter is that you’ll have a reason to wear them daily for three quarters of the year.

I have a fair number less than many and a bit more than some. I thought it’d be a fun time a year to catalog my favorites and tell the brief stories behind them. A small daily blogging project to end the year.

Stay tuned.

You may remember my writing a few months ago about making major changes in order to get on top of my type 2 diabetes. Well, I had a follow up appointment yesterday, labs done, and the results are in. Here’s comments from my doctor:

How exciting!!! Your a1c has dropped from 6.9 to 6.3! That is excellent. Your cholesterol has also dropped! And the HDL cholesterol (the heart protective cholesterol) went up from 41 to 55 which is excellent. You can still consider starting a statin drug — not for your cholesterol– but to help reduce your risk of stroke and heart disease given family history. For sure start the aspirin as we discussed. Kidney function is normal.

Also, my weight is down over 20 pounds as of this writing. My blood pressure which for years has run a bit high is back to the low normal range. But, most importantly, I continue to feel great and have not had a “sugar crash” that I can remember. Pretty proud of all of this.

Turns out, if you change things, things change.

You do the work because the work is worth doing. There may be many reasons why doing the work to get something or somewhere you want wont get you the results you were hoping for. But, this is not a reason for not doing the work. The work is worth doing because it makes you smarter. The work is worth doing because it gives you experience. The work is worth doing so that not doing the work is not a reason you fall short of the goal.

There will be insurmountable challenges to meeting many of your goals in life. Try anyway. Try because the challenge is worth meeting. Try because it may make the next opportunity surmountable. Try because it will make you better and smarter and stronger. You may fall short for many reasons, don’t let the work be one of them.

The work is how you grow and that makes the work worth doing every time.

• My online friends are real friends. They come up in my offline conversations. I mention things they’ve said and done (i.e. posted publicly) in discussions with others in the real world. Even things my online friends and I have chatted about via DM or email. Most of whom I’ve never met IRL.

• Community is built on conversation and connection and it doesn’t matter where or how that happens. Email and text and trading blog posts may not be as… Impactful? …as face-to-face but they all count.

• I suck at prioritizing my friendships and maintaining connection just as much offline as I do on. The truth of the matter is that I’m a natural introvert, tend to focus on the people right on front of me (my wife and daughter), and always put off even my most immediate community.

• I have a very full and busy life. One I’m thankful for but, often, leaves me depleted of energy and time. The truth is if it’s not specifically on my calendar it effectively does not exist.

• Yet, looking at my calendar I see rigging for Circus, I see neighborhood soup nights, I see client appointments, I see board meetings, I see Parent Association meetings… All of these are also, wait for it… Communities!

• Maybe I don’t suck at community at all. Maybe I just need to make more time for the ones I’ve neglected tending to.

• Just know, online or offline, you matter equally to me. Community exists and can be strong and vibrant anywhere you build it. There is no separation.

My friend Markus called. He said he had a friend who was having a really hard time. Her mother was recently diagnosed with terminal stage 4 cancer. Her brother-in-law died in a motorcycle accident and, on the way home from California from the funeral, her husband informed her that he was promptly leaving the marriage after their return home to go be with his mistress. Then, on top of all of that, her computer hard drive died pretty much after walking in the front door.

Her (soon to be ex) husband maybe had a backup but he was not returning her frantic calls (likely assuming it was about the fact he was a lying cheater). So, she contacted a local tech place and they referred her to Drivesavers and they were able to recover most of the data. The problem, Markus explained, was that they sent it back on a pile of DVDs with no real order so she needed someone who knew how to get all the data where it needed to be on the new machine.

Now, Markus was an Apple Software Developer and was no slouch in the technical department. That said, this was a different kind of knowledge and expertise. He asked if I could do him a solid — meet up with this lady over at his place, help her get her data on her new computer, and do it as a favor to him… No charge. He’d buy us pizza, though.

I, of course, said sure. It was the right thing to do, given the circumstances. My girlfriend at the time lived and worked in another city 50 miles away so it’s not like I had other plans during the week. He was right that I’d be far better and faster at fixing things. Plus, having been through a divorce myself I thought I could give her some of my perspective or at least be an empathetic ear.

The night of the meetup I had a horrible flu/cold/crud thing. Yet, I was determined to keep my promise so I loaded up on DayQuil and woozily showed up.

The lady was lovely. Smart, quick witted, and sweet. While just about everything in her life at that point was full of suck her outlook on it all was matter of fact and full of a can-do spirit. In the midst of all the heartbreak she was resolved not to let it break her.

I got the job done. She was very grateful. I was very sick. She wanted to pay me somehow and I flatly refused. That’s not the promise I’d made. We parted ways happy to have been aquatinted.

A few weeks later, she sent me an email. Some of our mutuals were getting together to see a play at the theater she worked at. She knew I’d not wanted any payment but she’d like to give me some token of appreciation. Did I wan’t to come to see the play with our friends? She could get me two tickets, one for me and my girlfriend.

Why not? Sure, I said.

Turns out, my girlfriend had plans to go see a monster truck rally with her younger brother (which should tell you all you need to know about our mis-matched pairing) so I invited a female friend who also was in the same extended friend group. My relationship with my girlfriend was on a steady but rapid decline anyway so it was just as well.

But, truth be told, I ended up spending most of the time outside of the play talking to Bethany. She’s just the sort of interesting person with fascinating stories that you never really tire of talking to. Incredibly well read and travelled. The smartest one in the room without being annoying about it. Just when you think you’ve encountered a subject she knows nothing about, she still finds something smart and interesting to say about it.

I shot her an email the next day to thank her. Said I had a really nice time talking to her. That we should grab coffee sometimes. That I often hang out on Tuesday and Thursday nights at a coffee shop close to her Dad’s place because my ex-wife had visitation with our kids those nights and it didn’t make sense for me to drive all the way back home just to have to turn around a couple of hours later (I had custody).

So, we did. Met up a few times and talked for hours. Never wanting it to end. After the third or forth one of them, we went for a goodbye hug that turned into a kiss. We both knew…

Our first official date was to see a performance Madame Butterfly at The Minnesota Opera (which is all you need to know about our perfectly matched paring) but she counts it as the night we kissed — which is probably right (she’s always right). That was 20 years ago today.

So, thanks Markus for introducing me to that girl. She’s pretty great!

We have been planning a trip to New York City for after Christmas. Started making the plans and figuring out the details. Confirmed the best dates and where to stay. Confirmed the prices and times for the flight. We knew the activities we wanted to do while there. None of it purchased and booked but all of the, um, “concepts of a plan” falling into place.

We have long hosted Christmas Eve dinner and gift opening at our house for the family as is my wife’s family tradition. None of our plans would have interfered with any of that. In fact, we had specifically planned around this certainty.

This year, there was much uncertainty developing with other family members plans for that time. Were my wife’s cousins from Norway coming or not coming? Were her Aunt and Uncle, who normally are with us for Christmas, going to be around this year or, is that entire side of the family going to go to meet in Chicago for the one kid who might not be able to get off work? Would we then be compelled to join them in order to spend Christmas with the rest of that family? If so where would that leave my Dad who has no one else here to be with on Christmas? And, perhaps a lynchpin of all of this… How can we go on the trip we had already invested much time planning and were looking forward to?

So many unanswered questions, most of which we have no control over and can’t plan around. So much uncertainty that was adding stress and anxiety to an already uncertain and emotion filled time of year.

So, this morning, Bethany and I talked through it all. We talked through the stress and uncertainty and what ifs and what nots and unpacked the emotions surrounding it all and came to this…

What is the one thing we can control and decide on right now that would make things that much easier? What is the one, disposable thing that would actually make all of the other things that much easier to handle and react to?

Our trip.

But, emotionally, we have to bring ourselves to a place of acceptance with that. Mourn the loss but also have an understanding that all of that planning we had done was not wasted. In fact, it made it that much easier to decide to do it in the future. Next year, perhaps.

So, we’ve decided to let it go.

Sometimes, you have to be able to let go of the things you can control in order to be in the best position to react to the things you can’t.

This is a tool.

A tool should have rules. When to use the tool. Why to use the tool. Why this tool and not another tool. When to put it away. How to use the tool safely.

A tool should be used intentionally. To perform one or more specific tasks. Take the tool. Use the tool for the task. Put the tool away. It should be stored safely and out of the way when not in use.

A tool should be used only in specific cases and environments where it is required for the task. Using the tool outside of these cases and environments is detrimental, potentially hazardous depending on circumstance, and should be avoided.

If one approaches the tool with such intention, attention, and focus the tool should not have to be locked in a secure location or its usage otherwise impeded. One can and should be trusted to use the tool when and where appropriate.

If the tool is used in a time, place, or method that is inappropriate, this is not the fault of the tool. This means further training is required for the user in proper use of the tool. Removing or impeding the use of the tool provides no such training. Only further education and instruction in use of the tool will.

If there are add-ons or functions of the tool that are meant to modify the tool in such a way as to be a distraction from the goals in using it, remove those add-ons or functions. Those features are not serving the goal of making the tool more useful. They are making the tool less so. They should be removed without prejudice.

If one follows these guidelines in using this or any tool, the tool will add value to our work and, thus, our life.