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Of course, the flip side to answering the question honestly is being asked an honest question. So many times we ask the question out of common courtesy and knowing that we will likely get a stock response. Not because we really and truly care.

Compassion means not only the courage to care but also the the courage to take action. It takes courage to ask the question honestly and be at the ready for an honest response. Because it means the next move, if the opportunity exists, is doing something to effect change.

All of this is to say that I completely understand why it is hard to both ask the question and give the answer honestly. Yet, I also think we rob ourselves and others of something even more difficult but important — the truth.

Therefore here is your next challenge: When you do ask someone how they are, ask honestly and compassionately and be ready to offer help.

Seems like such a simple question doesn’t it. We likely get asked it at least a dozen times on a busy day in at least as many ways.

"Howya doin’?"

"How’s it going?"

"What’s up?"

Whether we are good or bad or so-so, we usually answer with a curt response. "Good" or something positive is a most common one, even if some of the time a lie or not nearly as close to truth. "O.K." is often used. Yet, very rarely do we say, "Terrible" or something negative. After all, to give someone details might scare them off or, perhaps worst, invite them in. As if we are the only ones in the world to have both good days and bad ones.

So, here is an assignment. The next time you are asked, tell the truth. Give some detail as to why that truth is your truth. Invite them in. Because I believe that, despite what we may think, people really do have the time to care and want to. By answering with our canned response we are robbing them of the opportunity to do so. More importantly, we are robbing ourselves of the possibility that what they have to say in return might change our day around for the better.

So, the sleepless nights continue. Last night, I awake at 2am and could not get back to sleep. Despite being dead tired from so little sleep the previous two nights. There is no way I’m even lucid enough at this point to as trick complete thoughts together, let alone sentences.

Read the first draft of the latest Hugh MacLeod book instead. It is a good continuation of the discussion I started yesterday. Seriously. This book is a real ass kicker and fear buster. You need it.

"The Art Of Not Sucking" | gapingvoid

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tired tonight (as I write this). I’ve not gotten particularly good sleep the past couple of nights and it is really wearing on me now. Not sure I can even form enough complete thoughts to write this but I’ll try to do some broad strokes.

I had a good discussion today with my friend Garrick about discouragement vs. dissatisfaction.

The premise being that we live in a society that, in so many ways, simply wants us to be satisfied. It seeks to actively discourage us from making an impact on it. Those that are like everyone else are accepted. Those that are different are shunned or treated with suspicion. If one fits in and follows the crowd and stays largely unnoticed is promised a life with very little risk. Just be satisfied with the way things are.

There are many people who are happy with such a life. Those whose only ambition is to have a job they can show up at, do the bare minimum, get their paycheck and benefits with automatic inflation-adjusted yearly raises, then retire comfortably in someplace warm. They discourage themselves from sticking out one way or the other. They find satisfaction in their mediocracy. And, society is largely satisfied with them there.

On the other side, there are those that are that are driven by dissatisfaction. Those for whom there is always something better or something more. Those that live to stick out like a sore thumb. Those that are not afraid to challenge the status quo. Often, these people make terrible employees because they are never satisfied with their jobs. They are restless seekers. They are full of ideas plans and schemes. Society likes to romanticize these folks but often brands them reckless and dangerous.

Perhaps I’m biased but I believe the only cure for discouragement is dissatisfaction. That it is a key ingredient, perhaps the key ingredient, to success. That only once one is sufficiently dissatisfied will they be able to make real noticeable change — either in themselves or in society as a whole.

I’m a writer. Writing is how I make this world better, friendlier, stronger place. If these words improved your day, please let me know by contributing here.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Six hundred minutes,

Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Moments so dear.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Six hundred minutes

How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights

In cups of coffee

In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In five hundred twenty-five thousand

Six hundred minutes

How do you measure

A year in the life?

How about love?

How about love?

How about love?

Measure in love

— Seasons of Love from RENT by Jonathan Larson

I’ve been thinking lately about measurements. Specifically when it comes to emotion and human interaction. Words mean things. How we use them to measure and gauge ourselves, each other, and our surroundings can be quite telling.

For instance, intimacy is always measured in distance. When we have an intimate relationship with someone we say we are "close" to them. When someone is withdrawn we say they are "distant". Of course, I’m very close to people who live thousands of miles away and there are many times I feel distant in a crowded room. Yet, such words take on powerfully descriptive new meanings in a different context.

I also wonder if we are measuring things by the proper metrics. Just as Jonathan Larson urges us to consider measuring a year with love, should we measure how good the day was by counting the number of times we smile ("A seventeen smile day!")? How about the bad by tears ("I’m having a fifty-three tear day")?

Then there are the things we can’t measure using any words that seem adequate. Like love for ones children, partner, or spouse. I know my measurements always fall short because just when I feel I can’t love my wife any more than I do I surprise myself. How can words of measure capture that?

There is no grand point to resolve here. These are just some of the ideas about this subject that have been occupying my mind lately and I felt it time to share them.

The following is the entirety of an email interview that was sent to me (and others) many months ago about religion. At the time I answered and replied back but I don’t believe any were ever published. That said, I have kept coming back to it — reflecting and clarifying my original answers. Therefore, the answers that are here now are much different in parts than those I originally responded with.

I think what exists today is a good summary of my own personal beliefs and faith, as well as my own journey and stance on religion in general. I post this here in the interest of full disclosure about my own faith. It is not intended to be anything more than that.

Here is the interview:

Do you believe in God?

No. Or, at least, not in the sense that some people do or would call a god. Certainly not in the sense of an entity or being. That said, I do believe in many of the concepts that one might apply to a god such as infinite love, patience, forgiveness and enlightenment that is far beyond our ability and capacity as humans to fully and completely realize or perceive.

Who/what is God?

In general, we humans are afraid of both the unknown and of admitting that we don’t know and may never know. Therefore, I tend to believe the idea of a god is often used to fill in those gaps, answer these questions, and free us from these fears.

I, for one, am quite comfortable with not knowing. Therefore, the best answer I can directly give to such a question is… I don’t know.

How did you come to hold these beliefs? Who or what has influenced you?

Believe it or not, I used to be a very committed “born-again” evangelical Christian. I come from a long line of Methodist preachers. The problem, of course, is that I’m also insatiably curious about the subjects I’m interested in. At the time, being very interested in Christianity led me to do deep research on all aspects of that and many other religions. This research led me to some ideas, opinions, and truths that eventually led me to a more holistic and philosophical understanding of the nature of faith and my own beliefs.

How would you describe your beliefs?

I describe my current faith practice as “Small “b” Buddhism”. Meaning that it is Buddhist in philosophy and practice without my practicing it as religion. My philosophy and practice seeks personal enlightenment through mindfulness, loving kindness, and compassion. Enlightenment, the ability to be fully present and aware in each moment, being as close to a belief in a god as anything I can fathom, with said “god” being found within.

Why hold these beliefs and not others?

My current faith is based on striving to be completely awake and aware to each moment. I believe this is an achievable human goal.

My extensive study of Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, and Buddhism (not to mention lesser study of many more) has led me here.

What place do major religious texts hold in your beliefs?

None. Except through the fact that study of many religious texts helped to lead me to my beliefs and practice of today.

Who do you think Jesus was/is?

Jesus was a Jewish religious leader and revolutionary figure that likely lived around the first century.

This is about all we know about Jesus that can be agreed upon as fact. The closest accounts we have about his life and teaching are several sources and many years distant from it. And those “gospels” are not included in current versions of the bible. Those that we know of that are the earliest make no mention of his divinity nor report him making such. The gospels that did make the cut are most likely amalgamations from several other distant source texts and oral accounts, heavily edited, and none are actually written by first hand sources. By taking this into account, one must naturally look at what other social, political, and practical motivations are behind the authorship of such texts and take such context in their analysis.

Everything else about Jesus is accepted through faith by those that choose to believe it. Which I am in no way disparaging. I think the heart of Christianity and the narrative of the biblical Jesus and early Christian church is incredibly beautiful. Rich with compassion, forgiveness, loving-kindness, and respect for the human condition. Its central goal is towards the enlightenment (salvation) of individuals through such practice. There are many corollaries with what I believe in today (not to mention, yet again, the importance of it to my own journey).

In fact, I believe that such faith is a natural human trait (and likely genetic). We must believe in something. We must have some level of faith in something. That even those who identify as atheist at least have faith that God does not exist, etc. They at least must have a firm unwavering belief in science and verifiable fact.

What place do your spiritual/religious beliefs hold in determining your moral standard?

High. That said, I don’t know if it is a cart/horse sort of relationship. My values and morals coexist with my faith practice symbiotically. They support each other equally.

Do you hold others to the same moral standard? Why/why not?

I try not to. While I do believe that there are some universally agreed upon beliefs of right and wrong, these are few. Often time these are cultural more so than universal. Not to mention that sometimes conditions guide and change such things. Everyone must arrive at such standards on a personal level based on such factors (and many more).

What do you consider the greatest drawback to your beliefs/views/convictions?

I’m not sure. I don’t believe I can identify any that I would have any sort of control over so why dwell on them. Instead, I place such energy on action, growth, and change.

What do you consider the greatest advantage?

Peace. My faith and practice brings me peace.

How do you view those who disagree with you?

People must believe in something. If they choose to believe in something other than what I believe then what matter does it have to me. I treat them with respect and kindness and, if engaged in a discussion about faith I welcome it and try to listen and be open to their views (sometimes I fail at this though).

Do your beliefs influence your familial relationships, immediate and other?

They influence my relationship with the world as a whole.

Do your beliefs shape your work and writing in any way?

As this is who I am, they likely do.

Do they influence the way you live your daily life?

See above.

The next time you are ready to take a vacation, let everyone know you will be gone. Perhaps in some exotic locale, deep in the wilderness, or far off the grid. So far that you wont be able to check your email, answer your mobile phone, or "check in" on any social networks. You wont have any vacation photos to share when you return because you’ll be leaving your camera behind. Perhaps drop the hint that the place you are going is so cool, so hip, that to tell any stories about it when you return could never truly describe or in any way live up to "being there".

Then, no matter where you go, no matter how much opportunity to do otherwise really does exist where you are going, do exactly that.

The only person you need to check in with is yourself and the people you are with. The only camera you need to preserve these memories are your eyes. The only call you need to answer to is that of the wild beyond. The only thing you need read are the signs pointing you to your destination.

Because, once you have done this, you are truly ready to experience something that you have probably not had for a while — freedom. That is a destination all on it’s own. Even if you go no where at all, you will have had more of a vacation, in the true sense of the word, than you likely have in years.

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And, because it is made of us and our work, we should bring to it all that we are and all that we are capable of.

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